How To Handle Red FlagsAug 06, 2021
Would you consider yourself a good flag handler?
How good are you at spotting flags?
Do you know what to do when you spot a certain color flag when going on a date?
What about before you go on a date when you’re just in the preliminary stage, the time where you’re talking and getting to know someone?
What about when you’re just looking at their dating profile if you’re on dating apps or if you spot someone across the room, can you see the different colored flags that present themselves?
And, most importantly, do you know what to do when you spot them?
Are you like the women in the Color Guard who twirl the flags amazingly and catch them with aplomb?
Suffice it to say,
Not all flags are the same.
They come in several different shades and can quickly go from yellow to orange to crimson.
You’re probably familiar with red flags. Those are the things that’s important to notice in the very beginning when it comes to someone you meet, are considering to get to know and possibly go on a date with.
It's the definite Full- Body NO that you feel when something is said or done and has you feeling uncomfortable on a visceral level.
Sometimes you're not sure what it is, you can't put your finger on it and you may not know why you feel the way you do but you know something doesn't feel right. When you notice a red flag, your body & maybe your mind is telling you to STOP.
It's a good time to end the conversation and walk away. Preserving you and choosing yourself first is always the most important thing.
Know and acknowledge that red flags mean STOP.
Do not proceed further.
Do not get in over your head, just end it right then and there.
If you’re not sure what to say, it’s always best to be honest with compassion. You could say, "I appreciate you taking the time to get to know me. I’m not feeling a connection". Whatever you’re saying, say in a neutral voice without any emotion just as if it’s a statement.
It goes over much smoother then if you’re feeling guilt or feeling anxious.
That’s pretty much all you need to say. You don’t need to apologize and you don’t need to come up with a reason.
Feelings are feelings and those are things that should never be ignored.
Orange flags can come up for a number of reasons.
It could come up when you find out a belief he has is different than yours. It doesn't have to be a deal-breaker but it has you pausing. It could come up when you’re starting to like someone and your go-to is to create resistance that could lead to self sabotage. For some people, they want something and they don’t believe that they deserve it.
Are you like that?
With orange flags, be inquisitive.
Yellow flags are basic things that could end up being benign. Take them as seriously as the other color flags and observe them to see if they change color.
Red flags look like this…
Well I didn’t mean to kill her but she just made me so angry.
I don’t know why I keep getting fired from every job I ever had.
She broke my heart and I don’t think I’m ever going to get over it.
Red flags means stop whatever you’re doing and end the relationship or whatever it is Pronto. There's no reason to get further involved. A lot of men open up and tell you the truth in the beginning when you meet face to face.
I once had a man tell me on a first date that he participated in some risky behavior that went against my beliefs. I made a choice and told him I was no longer interested. Red flags tend to be obvious and yet people overlook them because they may think there's no way that can be true. This can include violence, criminal or risky behavior, addictions of any kind, an angry, uncontrollable temper or blaming others and not owning up to their part in things that go south or end badly. Note whether or not he's emotionally available and completely healed from a previous relationship.
There’s also orange flags.
Orange flags look like this…
She won’t let me see my kids.
My mother? I can’t stand to be in the same room with her.
I lost my job.
Orange flags mean proceed with caution. Ask questions to uncover the real reason. Is the reason he can't see the kids because he has an uncontrollable temper or has an addiction or is there parental alienation and she's trying to get back at him for wanting a divorce? Is the reason he dislikes his mother because he doesn't respect her and believes women are there to serve or because she's toxic, mentally or emotionally unwell and he prefers to be around positive life- affirming people? Did he lose his job because he's unreliable or stole from the company or because the company is downsizing and his position along with others is being eliminated?
Yellow flags look like this...
Why can’t someone just take our order already?
I’m late because the traffic sucked.
I have to have my phone on the table, I’m expecting a very important phone call.
Yellow flags mean to approach it with curiosity to see if this is a one time occurrence or likely to be a pattern.
Perhaps he wants to order quickly because he missed lunch because of a deadline and a meeting so he's feeling hangry. Maybe he left with plenty of time to meet you but there was an unforeseeable accident on the freeway and he intended to be early to make a good impression. He might have his phone on the table because he’s expecting a call from a relative that relates to a family member's health. This is when you can ask open-ended questions that can alleviate your concerns and can offer comfort over your doubts or alert you to what could possibly be a pattern of negativity.
Be aware of each color flag and remember stop, don't go further when you notice a red flag.
Proceed with caution with an orange flag.
Get curious with a yellow flag.
Check in with yourself and your body and acknowledge what comes up. Is there a tightness in your throat or your chest? Do you feel uncomfortable or on edge? How you proceed is up to you and know that with dating it's always a choice, your choice.
As always, date intentionally,
P.S. How would you like to join the private FB group, Attract & Date With Fun & Pleasure For Single Women?
Head over to FB, answer the questions and you're in.
You can also find me on YouTube at Dare To Date Differently with Elizabeth Tritsch
Please, like, subscribe and comment. LMK if there's a topic you'd like me to cover or a challenge you'd like me to address.
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