Your Past Relationship Doesn’t Define You

Sep 02, 2021

What are your thoughts about your most recent relationship?
When you reflect back, can you remember the good times?
Do you remember only the bad times?

Here's a quick exercise for you.
Get out a pen and paper and sit by yourself reflecting on your most recent relationship.
Make two columns and write at the top, Good Times and Bad Times. In the first column write down all of the good times you can remember in that relationship. In the second column, write down all of the bad times of that relationship.
Write down everything you can think of and don’t hold back. This is only for you. Be as honest, authentic and forthcoming as you can. Don’t censor yourself. No one else is going to look at this but you.

Now, look at your two columns. Tally up the number of comments in each column. Which column has more comments? Is it the column that has Good Times or the column that has Bad Times?

When you reflect on the good times, do you wish you were still in the relationship?
When you think about the bad times, is it difficult for you to even remember the good ones?

If upon your reflection you can only remember the negative situations, the toxicity of the relationship and how badly you were treated, you’ve got a lot more work to do before you can begin looking for the one.

If you wish you were still in the relationship and you wonder what went wrong, this may not be the best time to get into another relationship.

As a dating coach, why do I say this to you?
Aren’t I supposed to be focused on helping you attract and date?
Yes and no.
My focus is on helping you attract and date when you're ready.
My intention is for you to get into a sexy, loving, healthy relationship.

What does being ready look like?

Being ready, willing and able to date again means you've taken an honest look at your most recent relationship and you looked at it from both sides, yours and his. Upon evaluating it with love, honesty and compassion you can see when you were both in alignment as well as where you both came up short.
Doing this can help prevent you from jumping from one bad relationship to another, like so many people I know, because of your fear of being alone. If you choose to do that, if you choose to date too quickly, you’re destined to choose unwisely again, to repeat your mistakes and to get into another unhealthy relationship. I don’t want that for you.

When you are at the point where you can reflect on both the negative and the positive parts of the relationship and you can do this without blaming the other person, without making him the only one wrong and you can also see your part in the creation and the demise of this relationship, you are closer to being in a happy, loving, sexy relationship.
And, isn’t that what you want?

So many keep making mistakes (the same mistakes) and continue repeating their same, old patterns. They have an ongoing loop of stories about how they feel about themselves and how they feel about relationships. They believe that either they're not at fault and the other person is an a$$hole or that everything is their fault and they're a loser.

Which is you?
Do you blame the other person?
Do you feel righteous and justified in your accusations?
Do you see yourself as the victim?
Do you feel that the other person took advantage of you?
Do you see your part in continuously choosing people who cheat on you, treat you badly and take advantage of you?
Can you reflect back on the orange and red flags you chose to ignore because you didn't want to make things uncomfortable or because you think, "Things are going so well, why bring that up?" (or) "I don't want to hurt his feelings" so you don't say anything.
You ignore your discomfort, that uncomfortable sensation in your body because if you address it, right then and there, your fear is that the relationship or the beginning of one will end. You believe the stories in your head that you don't deserve a happy relationship, that healthy relationships are for other people or they don't really exist.

I hope I'm touching a nerve. I hope this is making you uncomfortable because oftentimes it's the only way you can see what you've been doing and you can change it now and going forward.

I have an amazing new program that addresses this and so much more. If this sounds like something you're interested in and would like to learn more, let me know by reaching out to me or by booking an appointment, 

My intention here on earth is to help you face your fears, face your resistance to dating, change your patterns and the stories you have on repeat, teach you tools, skills and strategies so you can date in your pleasure with a sense of fun, happiness and curiosity resulting in a happy, sexy, loving relationship with the right one for you.

Are you in?

Date intentionally,

Schedule your free strategy call and learn actionable steps that will help you attract, date, and create a loving, connected relationship.


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